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Kicking My Butt Into Gear To Lose Weight

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What will it take for me to start loving my appearance and my body? 
That is the question that has been floating around in my head lately. It has been there for quite awhile, actually.  It's been unanswered.  Today is the day that I have finally decided to stop the negativity that has been beating down on me. I'm going to take it and rip that sucker in half. My patience and time are not at their highest points right now, so to keep myself from becoming anxiety-ridden with what I look like, who is judging me, why won't anything fit, etc, I am going to take a deep breath and write my feelings out.  After all, writing is the best stress-reliever for me.

Body image has been something that I have always felt decidedly strong about. I have always been overweight as a teenager. It's something that I struggle with on a daily basis. (After all, pizza is my boyfriend.) I can seemingly never concentrate and dedicate myself enough to exercise portion control. I always make excuses about why I cannot work out (at home) or go to the gym. I over indulge sometimes, okay a lot of times "just because." Well, I'm getting tired of it.  I'm exhausting my excuses. I'm exhausting all of the the bull that I like to spew. You see...I have this ideology that I won't complain about something that I do not favor if I have the power to change it, yet refuse to do anything about it because I choose to be lazy instead of productive. That ideology is one that I live by, and I usually preach it to others who decide to complain to me about what their laziness is preventing. (In the most obvious way, too!) 

Well, I'm using that ideology to finally call B.S. on myself.  By doing that, I'm permitting myself the chance to complain if I so much please now. I'm giving myself the chance to friggin' make a change to what I dislike. (If you haven't caught on by now, I am going to do something about my weight issue, which gives me the opportunity to complain if I want to because it doesn't go against my belief that laziness = no complaints. HOWEVER, I am not saying that I am going to complain because if I am, then I'm obviously not doing the necessary steps to reach to my goal.)

Whenever I talk about how I want to lose weight, it seems that there is always somebody that asks me why. Why do I want to lose weight? Why aren't I just happy with how I look now? My response to that is because I'm not. That's the only answer I owe you. (Well, I technically do not owe you anything.)  It's not that I intentionally try to think negatively about myself. I do not try to put those thoughts in my head. But since they are there and I know that I really, honestly do need to lose weight, I take those thoughts to heart. I do not take the extreme routes to lose weight of course; if anything, I take the healthy ones: healthy eating, sleeping, and working out. I try to do something, though! I am tired of those negative thoughts. Their pestering is so bothersome. So, I'll pretty much do whatever I need to (in the healthiest way possible) to get those thoughts out of my head. That's just to say that questions concerning my desire to lose weight are ridiculous and not really welcome.
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In the long run, I have no clue as to what I am going to do to get my weight under control...yet. I must find something soon! Of course, healthy eating and frequent work-outs are going to become a top priority, but what else can I do to motivate myself to stay on track and not fall off like every other time? Sleeping at least eight hours a night would be beneficial. (Sayonara midnight readings.) Drinking more water to limit the confusion between hunger and thirst would do me plenty of good, too. Once I get this health regime down pact, I promise to report in. God knows how long it'll take though, so don't hold your breath. (Okay, no. Hold me accountable once the new year hits. If I haven't figured out a good pattern by then for regulating my weight and overall health - the facets that I can regulate  - then god bless my soul.)

Have you ever experienced self-isteem/body weight problems? If yes, how did you deal with it?

Tune: No Place I'd Rather Be by Clean Bandit
No Place I'd Rather Be by X on Grooveshark
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About the Author

Student, aspiring graphic designer, and traveler, Krishaun Burns is a 17-year old blogger. She enjoys writing, photography, reading, and speaking her mind. You'll find her on various social media and Five98s.

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