Succumbing to what I know is not good is something that I struggle with occasionally.  I’m talking about bad eating habits—eating too much or not eating at all.  I’m talking about not doing my homework.  I’m talking about staying up way past the time I need to go to sleep to be even remotely sane in the morning. These are some of the general things that I struggle with. Other things that I struggle with are good things, yet bad to a certain extent.  Let me explain. I contain my feelings a little more than I should.  Once upon a time, if you were to say something snide to me or piss me off, I would have….well, I would have some not-so-friendly words for you. Now, I keep walking and will just ignore you. Sure, at others expense it is a good thing that I bite my tongue, but at my own expense, it sucks. I encompass what I feel instead of forcing myself to find a civilized, less unkind way to vocalize myself.

This is all coming to the table right now because of something that happened yesterday. I suppose it is not a big deal, but it bothers me a bit. Instead of keeping my feelings inside just so that they can eventually boil over when I reach “that point,” I figured I’d vent here. {I mean, that is what this blog is kind of for.} Well, let me backtrack a bit. I just got my new tattoo, so I have been wearing skirts for the past few days to avoid having my pants irritate my skin. Well, on yesterday, a group of girls started mocking, “Jesus take the wheel,” after I walked past them (mind you, it was only my friend and me in the hallway in addition to them, so I know that they were talking about me because my friend hadn’t walked past them at that moment). I have no clue why they started saying that in a mocking manner at all towards me, but I have come up with two theories: 1. They saw my tattoo and thought it was stupid {Hahah—like I care.} or 2. because my skirt was not the longest, and I’m not the tiniest girl in the world. {However, I looked just fine. I respect myself enough to not bare all, y’all. Hahaha. That rhymed.} Or maybe neither of those was the reason that group of girls decided to mock me. Whatever.

Anyways, I heard them laughing and saying that when I walked past, but I ignored it because {once again} I honestly didn’t care! I try not to let people’s opinions irritate me or be the base call on how I feel about myself. Oh, you think that I am fat? Well…that’s nice, but I am still about to go eat a burger and fries. Oh, you think that I am stupid for not knowing that simple answer? Yeah, I still don’t plan on studying all night just to know that. Sorry, I’m not sorry. I digress; I am kind of getting off on a tangent. 

Once my friend and I got into the stairwell to walk upstairs to my locker, she said, “You know they were talking about you.” I didn't even give it a second thought and said, “I know. I don’t care.” Truth is that I really don’t care. {Okay, maybe a tiny part of me does, which is kind of why I am writing this post, but y’know what I mean.} I have grown tired of feeling down about what people say to or about me. It’s too much of a hassle. Thus, I have taught myself to stop caring so much.  It’s okay to feel a little twinge of annoyance or to speak up for myself when I feel things getting too out of hand, but most of the time, I know to just let it go. {Note that this is not a usual thing. Every once in a while, especially in high school, there will be drama and gossip for no apparent reason. It happens to everyone.}