It's Wednesday! {I would have said, "Ha-ha-ha-HAPPY Hump Day," but it's not so happy in Michigan today because we are getting freaking inches of snow today. Bummer. Monday was a false sense of hope for Spring.} So, lately I have been thinking about friendships, how I act in them, how others react towards me, and when I know that it is time to "break-up" with a friend. This topic is just something that's been brewing in my head for awhile due to some recent complications, and my having to separate myself from two old friends. 

First, let me set the background for this: I am an overall silly person that loves to play around and have a good laugh. I have a ridiculous, sometimes crude sense of humor that permits me to laugh about a lot of things. Essentially, I try to live a life that I do not take too seriously.  I try to have a heart of a child. Furthermore, I know when to quit. I understand when the time is not right or somebody is not interested in joking around. All of my close friends and I are able to joke around, throw around "That's What She Said" jokes, and dance around all night. My friends and I share a deep sense of humor, but we all know when to not push it with one another. 

On the other hand, these two friends (let's call them M and N) that I associated with were cool. I was never close-close to them, but we were on nice terms. We could joke around, talk and share a laugh. They were nice people! It's just that over the span of three weeks, I have noticed that I was censoring myself more and more around them.  What I said, what I did--it all became a game of "should I have done/said that?" I am not down with that. 

When I am around people that I am supposedly friends with, I do not want to feel as if I have to really watch what it is that I say when we're just hanging out.  "You knew how I was when we first met, and you [should] know that I darn well have not changed now," is how I look at it. I'm a teenager full of sarcasm, witty comments, and a lot of laughs. Of course, there is more to me. I can have serious conversations and talk about politics and all of that crap {Okay, I don't prefer to talk about politics, but you get the point}. The point is that I am a well-rounded person, but I really do prefer to hear and emit the sound of laughter. Moreover, I know when it is not the time or place to burst out in a fit of giggles or share an inappropriate statement. I know when not to cross the line.

With M and N, I just felt as if I was not being my real self just so that everything would be okay between us three. However, since I started not to care if people did not appreciate me for my zany personality sometime last year, it was easier for me to just nod my head and recognize what needed to be done: I had to separate myself from M and N. I did not want to be rude, but I could not keep hanging out with them and feeling anxiety over what their reactions would be to something that I'd say. So, for the next week, I simply said hello, plugged in my earphones, and isolated myself from them while doing my English work (note: this is the only class I even hung around at with them). As of now, I feel better. I feel lighter and less on my toes. 

I understand that not everybody in my life will be as open to my quirks, humor, sarcasm, and sometimes crude sense of humor. That is completely fine! I just prefer not having to feel anxiety whenever I interact with my friends. I'd prefer to separate myself from the scenario and only deal with them whenever I have to.  If they say hello, that's fine; I will respond. If they do not, okay! That's fine, too.