Body image has always been something that I have struggled with.  As a young child, I was a little heavier than most, and now, I am still heavier than what I'd like to be. Note that I said like to be, not should be or need to be. I'd like to be thinner because I want to be healthier and feel better in my body. I want to be able to show myself off and think, "Damn. I feel good," not, "Is everyone cringing at the sight of any rolls or fat on my tummy, or cellulite on my thighs?"

Since 2014 began, I have been working on recognizing that I am fine just the way that I am. I have been eating healthier, exercising, drinking more water, and stopped comparing myself to ever model in the magazine, and every girl that I see.  Sure, it is still really difficult seeing so many girls flaunting around in crop tops and barely there skirts while I am hardly comfortable wearing an outfit without any type of jacket or sweater. However, it is not their confidence or body shape that gets to me; it is the fact that that I feel so low of how I look that I can't be as confident about myself and body.

Nowadays, the media portrays women and girls as people that should look ultra thin, or else they are classified as "too fat" or "not thin enough."  Models and celebrities have been getting Photoshop done to their photos for years, even when they are already thin enough. This makes me wonder: when will we ever be good enough to show off our own bodies sans editing?

Something that has been bothering me for awhile is that models cannot even be officially just called "models." They have to be categorized as models and then plus-size models. This really bewilders me. If these women are all models, why do they have to be categorized by body type?   The term "plus-size" being thrown in front of the word models just because these women possess a different body shape and size is negating.  If the models are all women and all doing the same job, why are their titles different?  It is also very dangerous because of how much women, teenagers, and even young girls are so into the media. I know that if I am thinking "then what am I?" when I see a cover page on a magazine about so-and-so gaining weight being a bad thing, or even reading about a store adding plus-sizes to their lines when they previously figured it was not needed, I know that someone else is thinking (and feeling) the same way.  What is so hard about adding extra sizes to a clothing line, or for models to be characterized by their job description and not their clothing size?

The harmful portrayal of how we females should look has led to the below becoming the new "normal."


The thought "I need to be smaller" or "I'm too fat" are some that I know runs through a ton of gal's head daily, including mine. That's where the harmful methods of trying to look like how the media says we should come in: diet pills, crash diets, anorexia, and bulimia. I can admit that I have tried three out of that list.  Did they work? No.  Will I ever result to those methods again? Most certainly not.  Thankfully, I only tried them for a few days at the max, and then realized that those methods are really dangerous. However, not everyone realizes that. Those methods are in response to the fake bodies that editors and the like edit models to look like. Those methods are a result of some girls and guys that like to taunt and tease others who are a little heavier, and sometimes nicely proportioned, but just not thin enough for some people. The methods that I attempted resulted from those. They resulted from going shopping with friends that are tinier than me and not being able to try things on in a certain store because they do not have an XL.  They resulted from hearing some people say "you need to lose weight in order for a guy to want you." Those things knocked away my self-esteem and made me feel fat and ugly--two things that I never should have had to feel.

In the end, although it took me a while, I finally decided that there is no shortcut, no matter what these sellers and "testimonials" try to convince you of. I finally realized that regardless to how society is, regardless to how people think I should look, I am just fine.